If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
