you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
