____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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