You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
