I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
