Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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