come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
