I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
