Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
