is your mom at the bar?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
