Pregnant stripper...not hot.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
