I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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