Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize