i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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