Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
