it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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