I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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