Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
