Tell her she can't have a vagina
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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