have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
