I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize