He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
