i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm at about main and main street
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
