Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
