What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
