i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
