the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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