I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
