you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
