saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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