i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
