you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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