im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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