Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
