you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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