He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
