I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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