I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
