sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
