so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
