I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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