If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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