I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
