I just threw up on my dentist
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
bring money and cleavage
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I want a musical about memes.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
