i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
