I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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