i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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