I want to have your abortion
the condom got lost in my hair
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize