tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize