I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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