So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
