Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
you had me at cake vodka
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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