im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
