You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
