we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
