call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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