For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
im calling her cock vulture from now on
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
