I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can I color on your dick again?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
