you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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