You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
