Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
