She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize