Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize