I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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