she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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