A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
