Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Is it penis luge time yet?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
