look no pants
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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