why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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