she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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