last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
