I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
