i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
