i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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