a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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